A birth story at last

The birth of River Griffin

Ok, so, where do I start? With the long awaited conception? Almost 18 months of trying to conceive, we had started to believe it wasn’t going to happen. I had been dreaming of a homebirth for quite some time, when would it happen? Finally, get back from holidays, January 2010, I’m pregnant! Do I start with the difficult pregnancy? Morning sickness till 18 weeks, then pelvic, lower back and abdominal problems that required physio. No, no more whinging, I did that for 9 months…. I’ll start with the due date, September 17…. Nope, that came and went…

Monday 27^th of September, I’m 41 weeks and 3 days and in we go to the hospital for a CTG. Mum is with me. I don’t want to be there. I’m birthing at home. But I’m losing faith in my body and need to be sure that my baby is okay… even though my instincts tell me he is fine, I know everything is okay, why am I here? Possibly to prove it to everyone else. Strapped up to CTG, there’s a party going on in my belly, midwife is satisfied he’s still quite happy in there. Another midwife pops her head in for a quick chat, she’s heard I’m home birthing, seems I’m a bit of a novelty. It’s actually shaping up to be a lovely visit, everyone is happy with my plans and how things are going, I’m pleasantly surprised. I request a stretch and sweep, something I never thought I would do, let alone ask for, but I’m really just wanting things to happen, I’m pretty over it and I’ve tried everything I can at home. It’s not too bad and the midwife is pretty confident that it will do the trick, she recommends going home and doing lots of nipple stimulation. But not before an ultrasound to check baby’s fluid levels are fine. Even the young male obstetrician was fine with my plans, and quite happy with baby’s fluid. Good. They tell me to come back in on Wednesday for more monitoring, I let them know there will be no need as babe will be here by then. Good riddance maternity ward.

At home, mum and I are pottering around the house, cooking and cleaning, we’re convinced babe isn’t here yet because we have forgotten to do something. We have a few laughs and I think I’m pretty funny when I let mum know I’m going to sit on the computer and play with my boobs, and DON’T LOOK! I don’t know how long it took, but after a while I started to get a few random tightenings, too sporadic to stop though, so I kept it up on and off throughout the afternoon in between making apricot balls, passionfruit slice and chow mein for dinner. Don’t worry, I washed my hands.

At some point, Grant got home from work with Loki, and I filled him in on the hospital visit and what had been happening, and proudly announced every now and then ‘I just had another one!’ Mum left us once dinner was cooking away, she has been such a great help, I don’t know what I would do without her.

I sat on the gym ball to eat my dinner, babe was definitely on his way down, the couch was just far too uncomfortable. After tea, Loki went off to bed and I started to watch the clock as the contractions were getting much closer together and starting to get a little painful. It was 8.21 pm when I let Grant know it was definitely happening and started timing contractions, they were coming every 2 to 6 minutes. At some point, Grant wanted to go to bed, I wouldn’t let him and made him drink some coffee. After 2 hours I decided it was time to call Andrea, our midwife. One of my biggest concerns was calling her too soon, or not soon enough. While we waited for Andrea to arrive, I started to think I had called her too soon, I could labour like this all night. She arrived some time shortly after 11pm. I jumped in the shower to freshen up, ah bliss, then came back out to Andrea and Grant. I got back on the gym ball, and the three of us sat in the lounge room, chatting and discussing what had been happening. Contractions started to slow down, I was feeling like a watched kettle, it was a little unnerving. I sent Grant off to the computer so I had one less pair of eyes on me.

Helen, our other midwife, rocked up around midnight I think it was, and I just felt terrible, she had been on a romantic night out in the city with her husband for their wedding anniversary, and here I was with my contractions slowing down and starting to think nothing was happening, I had ruined her night for nothing. ‘Happy Anniversary’ I said apologetically as she came in my front door. Another pair of eyes. We talked crap and got Grant to ‘Google’ random things like the ingredients of a margarita. I began to feel pretty pathetic, everything was stupid, and we joked about starting a ‘Stupid List’, whenever I decided something was stupid it was ‘another one for the stupid list’. My ‘toddler mode’ was in full swing.

After a while Andrea and Helen decided to go get some coffee to give me some space for a bit. When they left I started getting shivers, I put some warm socks on and tried to go to bed. Lying down was uncomfortable and when a contraction hit it was unbearable, so I got back up to go and stand in front of the heater in my birthing space, with each contraction I swayed and rocked my hips, I was really feeling them through my back, and really having to breath through them, but they were still coming randomly and not lasting very long at all, no more than about 15 seconds or so.

It wasn’t long before Andrea and Helen were back, they joined me in my birth space, but yet again, I had the feeling of eyes on me. A watched kettle never boils… I really felt like this could go on and on. We sat around chatting, I moved from near the heater to back on the stupid gym ball. Contractions hit randomly, some were getting weaker, I could talk through them, but others were stronger and I needed to go within to get through them. I had no idea of the time, I didn’t care anymore.

There was no longer much conversation going on, Grant was in another room as he wasn’t particularly needed. He was wanted though, I just wanted him to hold me, but I didn’t want to seem anymore pathetic than I already felt. Another contraction hit and Andrea placed a hand on my belly to feel how strong it was, nothing too impressive.

We discussed the possibility of trying to get some panediene forte to take the edge off so I could get some sleep. I didn’t want to, and the only way of getting any at that time of night would be to go to the hospital, and I sure as hell wasn’t going anywhere near there. Eventually we decided that Andrea and Helen would go home, it was a relief but at the same time it didn’t feel right. I didn’t realise at the time, I was so focused on what was or wasn’t happening, but it was exactly like Loki’s labour, random, short contractions, a labour that never really establishes, but then…..

Once they were gone I had to pee, siting on the toilet, I do my business, fuck it was a relief, and… POP!!! My water breaks! On the toilet! Convenient much?! I have a little giggle to myself then yell to Grant to call them back. I brace myself, I remember Loki’s labour and remember what is about to come. I throw my hands out to brace myself on the walls on each side of me, contractions come rolling in, one on top of the other, they rip through my whole body.

I can hear Grant on the phone. He also rings Jenni our support person, a birthing Goddess I just had to have with me. Next thing I know, Andrea and Helen are back, they had only made it around the corner. They could feel the shift in the air as soon as they came in, things had definitely changed in the few minutes they were gone. Helen came in to help me reluctantly get off the toilet, my confined, safe space, and down the hallway into my birth space.

I lean over the arm chair in an attempt to find some relief. Helen gets a good look and swiftly calls out to Andrea that it’s happening! I knew it, but I don’t think they realised just how quickly things had changed, and how soon we would be meeting my little man. It really was happening. I am oblivious to what’s going on around me, all I know is that Helen is helping me get into the birth pool, I kneel and lean on the side, I’m thankful for the softness of the blow up pool underneath me. It’s only half full, I need more water, I want it over my back. It fills slowly.

Jenni’s here, she smiles at me, I remember that I CAN do this. I get the urge to push, it’s such a relief to be able to bear down. I can feel so much pressure, I can feel him move down. Grant is with me, right where I need him. I am conscious of the fact that there is still not enough water and I ask if the water is still on, I am struggling to keep my butt in the water. The water rises slowly, it’s warm, and feels wonderful, it takes a lot of the pain away and I am much more aware of what my body is doing. I let out a few primal sounds as I push, not the screaming I let out when pushing with Loki, I feel so much more in control this time. Although I whimpered between pushes… ‘ow’.

I bear down again and it’s not long before I reach down and I can feel his head crowning, slowly emerging. I can feel myself stretching. I can hear Andrea encouraging me. I feel an urge to just get him out, I draw on everything I have, I push, quite recklessly really, pretty sure I’m going to tear, I don’t care. It’s hard work, but out comes his head, a little on the side and with a hand in front of his face. His shoulders are just as hard to get out, but I give another huge push and out he comes. Ahh, the relief. I hear Andrea remind me ‘Pick up your baby, Loz’. After a six and a half hour labour, and only about 20 minutes in the pool, I reach down and pull my baby up out of the water. It’s 2.46am on Tuesday morning, the 28^th of September 2010.

The cord is around his neck and Andrea quickly lends a hand to help pull it over his face. I turn him over. He’s perfect and chubby and covered in vernix. He doesn’t look ‘post dates’ at all. Grant looks on, pride all over his face. River is quiet, we give him a few moments, he begins to make the sweetest, softest little grizzling sounds. I move closer to Grant so he can get a good look at his new son.

Grant goes to get Loki out of bed to come and meet his new brother. He is not confused at all, he understands perfectly what is going on. He beams when he sees him and is smitten from the first glance. I’m so proud of him, my heart literally swells with love as it makes room for both boys. Loki sits with Grant on the arm chair next to the birth pool, checks out his little brother, then makes sure I’m okay. Sweet little man.

I decide to try to get River on the boob, he latches gently but perfectly. I feel a rush of excitement, after only half an hour of him being Earthside, here we are breastfeeding like champs.

I had hoped that getting bub to breast would encourage the placenta out. This was a new experience for me as I had not experienced a natural third stage before. Why wasn’t it coming out? Here comes my toddler mode again. I felt weak and tired, I was in a bit of pain and didn’t think that I could move. I really just wanted to get out of the pool, but I was determined to birth the placenta in the water so I wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted to give River to Grant so I could get a good hold onto the edge to try and push it out, but the cord wasn’t long enough. I didn’t want to do it, it was going to hurt, hadn’t I been through enough!? Can’t someone do it for me? I no longer cared about a natural third stage. Can’t I have the needle? Nope. Bitches. I tried coughing, blowing into a plastic bottle. Stupid placenta. Finally, Jenni’s words of encouragement got me up onto my knees. Fine, I’ll do it. I’d had enough, and knew that the only way out was to suck it up and do it. It was right there, but it took a few pushes, it was mostly out but the sack was still holding the rest in. Another big push and out it comes, almost an hour and a half later. Thank fuck for that.

It is quite a beautiful placenta, so blue and perfect. I marvel at it and admire the beauty of seeing, for the first time, my baby and placenta still attached, as one. Andrea shows me all the parts and turns it inside out, it’s absolutely fascinating. The cord had stopped pulsating, so with Andrea and Loki’s help, Grant ties it off and cuts the cord. River is oblivious and not bothered at all. Finally I can get out of the pool.

Wrapped in towels we snuggle up on a mattress on the floor. Helen checks me out, one small tear, meh, I felt that, not surprised. Other than that everything was fine, in fact Helen proceeded to tell me that my vagina looked beautiful and you wouldn’t even know that I’d just had a baby, haha, sure, but I was thankful for her sense of humour.

Andrea weighed and measured him. A lovely 8 pound 12 ounces and 54cms long. Wow! He was just amazing.

After I prove that I can pee, and all paperwork is filled out and the midwives have gone home, I ring my doula, Sazz, because of how quickly everything ended up happening, calling her for the birth was not even an option, so she was a little surprised to get a call at 5am in the morning… ‘so, um, a baby just fell out of my vagina’.  Grant goes to pick her up so he can go to bed and she can be with me till my mum gets here.

Sazz cleaned up the mess I had left behind in the toilet, and tidied up a bit around the place. I am so thankful for her being there with me, especially when we had to give River his first bath a little sooner than expected in the bathroom sink after I discovered he had pooped meconium all over himself and I as he hadn’t been dressed yet, only loosely wrapped in a flannelette wrap. She sat with me as I still floated along on my post birth high and filled her in on what had gone down. 

The rest of the day is spent on the couch, dealing with some shocking afterpains. I have a few family and close friends visit, but mostly I spend the day baby gazing. I don’t sleep until I come down from my high later that night. I can’t believe it’s all over. We were finally a family of four.